2013 Resolution: To Be Perfectly Imperfect

It’s the New Year and as most of us do on the first day of each New Year, I’m going to make a resolution. Not the quintessential resolution like losing weight or eating healthier (although I will try to do those too), but I’m going to do something to improve my spiritual and mental health.

At the risk of sounding really silly or pitiful, I’m just going to put it out there. In 2013, I’m going to strive for LESS PERFECTION. I’m going to accept myself for who I am, allow myself to be who I am, and be comfortable with that. So I want to cut myself some slack and ease up on the perfection expectation – as a wife, as an employee, as a friend, as a woman, as a Christian, and as a mom. I’m not PERFECT, and if that’s my expectation for myself, I’m sure to fail.  I’m not trying to be pitiful or silly or anything else – I’m just realizing that I’ve been trapped inside my head, and it’s time to get out.

I’ve allowed my perception of what others think of me to run my thoughts. Even though I might say “I don’t care what people think,” I am actually totally concerned about what they think. I worry about what they think about a lot of things, but most of all, I worry most about what they might be saying about my parenting. I know it sounds crazy! Even as I write this, I’m thinking “This is Crazy!!” But it’s the way I feel. I want to be so perfect at everything; I especially want to be the perfect parent – the most important responsibility with which God has entrusted me. As most parents know, parenting is by far the hardest job in the entire world. The only people who would disagree with that are people who are not parents. The “best” parents in the world are people who plan to be parents but have yet to have children.  From the outside looking in, raising “good” kids seems so easy. Bud and I are no different – we had it all figured out too, until we actually had kids and learned what it was all about.

The funny thing is, I know this, but it still bothers me when I feel like I’m being judged and falling short of expectations. But I’ve finally just realized that I am confident I’m doing the very best job I can as a parent. Am I a perfect parent? No. Will my kids behave perfectly? No. But am I doing the most perfect job I know how? Yes. And because of that, my kids are perfectly not perfect. And that’s ok.

I’ve realized that I’m proud of myself as a parent. It’s not easy. It’s the most difficult, challenging, ever-changing and sometimes frustrating job I’ve ever done. At the same time, it’s the most wonderful and rewarding job I’ve done. I have two little boys who love me unconditionally. They can totally be themselves around me, even if “being themselves” means acting up a little bit. At the end of the day, they always give me a kiss goodnight and tell me that they love me. And in the morning, I’m the first one they run to when they wake up, bursting through my door, asking me if they can lay in bed with me. I get hugs and kisses, and “what’s for breakfast?” questions because they know I’m here to take care of them, and they have no doubt about my love for them.

I’ve decided that’s enough for me. I really don’t care what other people think of me as a parent. All that matters is that I’m doing the very best job that I know how to do, as imperfect as it is, and I love them with all my heart. They love God, they love our family, and they trust me 100% to be their mom. That’s what matters. Nothing else. And that’s just PERFECT for me.